Saturday, October 22, 2011
Expectations...
Cause suffering... That's what he said last week in the Wisdom class I attended. Never really thought of it in those terms. It sounds so... Serious! Yet, it does hold truth. I have to be honest and say, I do have expectations. I've been trying to let go of them. Apparently it takes LOTS of practice and I'm in the beginner class. Sometimes I even tell myself if it doesn't go the way I was hoping (expecting!) that'll be OK. Ha! Who am I kidding?!? I still find myself disappointed. Sigh....
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Ah, the Universe!
The Universe...
God, Goddess, Holy One, Buddha, Christ, call it what you want, who you want... Works in such mysterious ways. I had to smile to myself this morning when I realized that something I had let go of (not an easy thing for me!) and put out there for the 'Universe' to take care of rather than trying to take it into my own hands... Worked out. I love when that happens. It helps me to believe that things do happen they way they are meant to... That there really is a rhythm to it all. Wow. It's one of those wondrous things in life that makes me smile inside and out.
On a different note... I'm going to Mexico in December. Although not my original plans, I'm going solo. I've traveled solo before. It's not intimidating or scary but does require a different mindset. Puerto Vallarta, for a week. I love it there. I've shared it with many people over the years, friends and family. This trip will be different though. I'm looking at it as a kind of retreat. One of my peers at work said to me, 'Pam, it's perfect for you at this time.' Hadn't thought about it like that but I have to believe she's absolutely right. Some time to reflect? The Universe again? I've been checking out bike tours and yoga classes and am starting to get even more excited at the possibilities.
Yes, letting go and letting things happen... I'm trying. Not easy for me. It's a real exercise for me, one of which I've not been good at. I am trying...
God, Goddess, Holy One, Buddha, Christ, call it what you want, who you want... Works in such mysterious ways. I had to smile to myself this morning when I realized that something I had let go of (not an easy thing for me!) and put out there for the 'Universe' to take care of rather than trying to take it into my own hands... Worked out. I love when that happens. It helps me to believe that things do happen they way they are meant to... That there really is a rhythm to it all. Wow. It's one of those wondrous things in life that makes me smile inside and out.
On a different note... I'm going to Mexico in December. Although not my original plans, I'm going solo. I've traveled solo before. It's not intimidating or scary but does require a different mindset. Puerto Vallarta, for a week. I love it there. I've shared it with many people over the years, friends and family. This trip will be different though. I'm looking at it as a kind of retreat. One of my peers at work said to me, 'Pam, it's perfect for you at this time.' Hadn't thought about it like that but I have to believe she's absolutely right. Some time to reflect? The Universe again? I've been checking out bike tours and yoga classes and am starting to get even more excited at the possibilities.
Yes, letting go and letting things happen... I'm trying. Not easy for me. It's a real exercise for me, one of which I've not been good at. I am trying...
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Happy Accidents...
Spilling my thoughts gently. Did we solve the world's problems today at lunch? We held up our 'unfair' signs but no one seemed to be reading them...
All these years the studio sat out back. I remember when we had it built. We built it for Stu. Windows and windows, north light, a bathroom, a/c, heat (just in case we thought about moving we could call it a guest house). For a bit he quit working and I worked so he could freelance doing art. This was all B.C. Before children. For years now the studio has sat as a catchall. There's a box full of basketballs, a table saw, a treadmill, more file cabinets vertical and flat files than you can imagine. Frames, more cassette tapes than I can count. And drawers and drawers of art.
Last year I took an amazing mixed media class with Carol Panaro-Smith. I learned techniques, created art books, did collages, started to be able to speak through art. I didn't think I could, but I was just beginning to find myself in there. It felt good. I began to carve out a small space of my own in the studio. Stu hasn't used the studio for art in a long, long time. I realized how much I like the feel of the space. The potential. This morning my good friend Jana and I met in the studio to do, 'The Artist's Way' book. We did this book for the first time in July of 1997. At that time there were 7 of us. We met every week. I don't know how we managed to commit to every week but we did. It was a magical time. Several of the women had life changing experiences. They opened themselves up, put themselves out there, and things happened. Wonderful things. Magical things. Doors opened, they jumped through them knowing/believing that a net would appear. And the net did appear.
These past several weeks as I feel this shift of sorts I thought maybe it's time to do the book again. I'm terrible at following through with the morning pages every day and am a bit lazy with the reading but I am making progress. I went through the drawers and containers of supplies I have out here in the studio. I forgot how many materials I own. I feel overwhelmed and still somewhat lacking in direction but believe it will come. There's a calm out here. A quiet. A peacefulness. All of which is good for the restlessness I feel. I am reminded of how difficult it was to make that first 'mark' on the paper. How scary it felt. The what if it doesn't come out right, what will I do with it, how will I make it work. That first mark on the paper. Learning to trust oneself, myself. All the happy accidents that can happen with that first mark. I love happy accidents. In art and in life....
All these years the studio sat out back. I remember when we had it built. We built it for Stu. Windows and windows, north light, a bathroom, a/c, heat (just in case we thought about moving we could call it a guest house). For a bit he quit working and I worked so he could freelance doing art. This was all B.C. Before children. For years now the studio has sat as a catchall. There's a box full of basketballs, a table saw, a treadmill, more file cabinets vertical and flat files than you can imagine. Frames, more cassette tapes than I can count. And drawers and drawers of art.
Last year I took an amazing mixed media class with Carol Panaro-Smith. I learned techniques, created art books, did collages, started to be able to speak through art. I didn't think I could, but I was just beginning to find myself in there. It felt good. I began to carve out a small space of my own in the studio. Stu hasn't used the studio for art in a long, long time. I realized how much I like the feel of the space. The potential. This morning my good friend Jana and I met in the studio to do, 'The Artist's Way' book. We did this book for the first time in July of 1997. At that time there were 7 of us. We met every week. I don't know how we managed to commit to every week but we did. It was a magical time. Several of the women had life changing experiences. They opened themselves up, put themselves out there, and things happened. Wonderful things. Magical things. Doors opened, they jumped through them knowing/believing that a net would appear. And the net did appear.
These past several weeks as I feel this shift of sorts I thought maybe it's time to do the book again. I'm terrible at following through with the morning pages every day and am a bit lazy with the reading but I am making progress. I went through the drawers and containers of supplies I have out here in the studio. I forgot how many materials I own. I feel overwhelmed and still somewhat lacking in direction but believe it will come. There's a calm out here. A quiet. A peacefulness. All of which is good for the restlessness I feel. I am reminded of how difficult it was to make that first 'mark' on the paper. How scary it felt. The what if it doesn't come out right, what will I do with it, how will I make it work. That first mark on the paper. Learning to trust oneself, myself. All the happy accidents that can happen with that first mark. I love happy accidents. In art and in life....
Can't Sleep...
Can't sleep... Is this a reason to begin a blog? Actually, I've had what seems like a million thoughts to share and rather than bombard select individuals, I thought I'd do it here.
Where to begin... Last month I attended BurningMan. For those of you who are unfamiliar it's probably best to look it up. It's rather impossible to describe exactly what it is. For me it was pivotal, a catalyst for change. I've tried to explain to others how I feel and find it difficult. My best tries include that I feel as though there's been a, 'shift' inside me. Or, that it's just like/only opposite of what I imagine having a facelift would be like... In the sense of if I were to have a facelift and look in the mirror, I imagine I would feel odd not seeing the face I've always known but at the same time know that what's inside hasn't changed. Only in my case it's that the outside is unchanged and the inside is. Sometimes it's like being in someone else's skin. Really odd.
What was it that happened during that week at BurningMan? Several things I suppose. I was liberated. Not that I've been imprisoned but in a different sense. You go there and you are completely removed from reality as you know it. There are no phones, no TV, no money, no electricity (other than generator powered). You ride your bicycle everywhere. You are surrounded by amazing art and amazing creative people. You meet people from around the world. People who are all there for the same experience. In the week I was there I never once saw any conflict. 53,000+ people and no conflict. How does that happen? I laughed and played and dressed up and dressed down for that matter.
While at BM, I fell in love with riding my bicycle. I've biked to work everyday since returning from Black Rock City/BurningMan. I bike almost everyday even when I don't work. I look at the world differently. I notice things I didn't notice before. I sometimes feel like a child full of wonder. My heart, although open before, feels all the more open. I feel like I'm headed somewhere but unsure where that somewhere is.
I sometimes wonder if it's also the age I'm at. I'm 54. I'm comfortable with myself and wiser (or so I like to think). Prior to going to BurningMan I made the conscious decision to do the things I enjoy as much as I can. I took more trips this year than the last several combined (I LOVE to travel). I realize that in the blink of an eye, poof, it can all change. And so I try to live as much as I can with the time that I have.
It's a strange trip this trip we're on, isn't it? Like I said above, I have what feels like a million thoughts to share. This is only the start...
P~
Where to begin... Last month I attended BurningMan. For those of you who are unfamiliar it's probably best to look it up. It's rather impossible to describe exactly what it is. For me it was pivotal, a catalyst for change. I've tried to explain to others how I feel and find it difficult. My best tries include that I feel as though there's been a, 'shift' inside me. Or, that it's just like/only opposite of what I imagine having a facelift would be like... In the sense of if I were to have a facelift and look in the mirror, I imagine I would feel odd not seeing the face I've always known but at the same time know that what's inside hasn't changed. Only in my case it's that the outside is unchanged and the inside is. Sometimes it's like being in someone else's skin. Really odd.
What was it that happened during that week at BurningMan? Several things I suppose. I was liberated. Not that I've been imprisoned but in a different sense. You go there and you are completely removed from reality as you know it. There are no phones, no TV, no money, no electricity (other than generator powered). You ride your bicycle everywhere. You are surrounded by amazing art and amazing creative people. You meet people from around the world. People who are all there for the same experience. In the week I was there I never once saw any conflict. 53,000+ people and no conflict. How does that happen? I laughed and played and dressed up and dressed down for that matter.
While at BM, I fell in love with riding my bicycle. I've biked to work everyday since returning from Black Rock City/BurningMan. I bike almost everyday even when I don't work. I look at the world differently. I notice things I didn't notice before. I sometimes feel like a child full of wonder. My heart, although open before, feels all the more open. I feel like I'm headed somewhere but unsure where that somewhere is.
I sometimes wonder if it's also the age I'm at. I'm 54. I'm comfortable with myself and wiser (or so I like to think). Prior to going to BurningMan I made the conscious decision to do the things I enjoy as much as I can. I took more trips this year than the last several combined (I LOVE to travel). I realize that in the blink of an eye, poof, it can all change. And so I try to live as much as I can with the time that I have.
It's a strange trip this trip we're on, isn't it? Like I said above, I have what feels like a million thoughts to share. This is only the start...
P~
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